On 29 December 2018, I received a phone call that changed the world I knew forever. My father passed away, without warning…
Everything around me crumbled in that instance. I felt my limbs went numb, and I stood frozen looking at the phone in disbelief…
In the last few years several major events happened in my life, including falling severely ill over a period of time. My approach to yoga, especially the physical aspect of the practice, has to evolve with my changing body. I used to live my life so I can thrive on the yoga mat – twisting and contorting my body out of any pain or lack I might be experiencing from the inside out. But now, I work with an exploratory, somatic approach to yoga, one that can teach me how to listen deeply – as relational inquiries into our body and mind, into self and other, into how we live our lives.
One of the many healings I gained from this embodied shift in perspective is the courage and humility to reconnect and forge new bonds with my family in Singapore, after living (and running) away for so many years. Consequently, the seemingly abrupt departure of my Dad left me devastated. It was difficult for me to try and come to terms with all that’s left unspoken and undone, and what I would give to have him back again…
A couple of months have now gone by and the world beckons me to resume back into “normalcy”. It is “business as usual” … because the system that we live in expects us to “buckle up and move on”.
In a cognitive universe in which we need everything to make sense, we can even atttempt to contextualise sufferings – put a label on grief with an expiry date, and set it aside.
But sometimes sorrow has no resolution.
Sometimes tragedies aren’t accompanied with answers.
Are we able to lean into our broken-heart when it asked to be witnessed? Can we deepen our relationship with ourselves instead of running away from the pain? Are we brave enough to surrender to the imprint that an untenable loss has left upon us? Can we find the gateway to grace that grief has inevitably opened up for us to walk through?
In every mourning moment that my heart closes in and the walls around me erect, I pray that I will keep expanding, in his legacy of love …
Musings on grief ~
I stood watching you
Sitting with grief
This post was previously posted on Yogawithdaphne.com on March 9th 2019
