4 years have passed since you stepped into the light.

The waves of grief no longer carry the weight of a Tsunami,
Sometimes it’s still stormy and sobering
Sometimes it’s a gentle reminder of ebb and flow, of change, of being alive.

4 years can feel like 40 years, or 4 months, or 4 days, or 4 seconds
Somedays I still feel the warmth of your embrace, the tickle of your laughter, the purity of your love
Somedays I still feel your pain, your longings, your strife and your despair, of not being heard, witnessed, understood.

4 years since you closed your eyes and we closed the door
4 years of trying to make sense of who was the one bidding farewell
4 years of walking amidst the shadows of my monsters, of not being able to say I love you once more.

4 years but the time has never been gone
Your hand is always holding mine
As you gently whisper…

Let there be no darkness in your heart.

#griefandexpansion

The post Dear Papa appeared first on Somatic Therapy Asia.

It was said that grief changes our world by adding a hue of grey to our lens in which we perceive reality.

Though I would argue that grief has wiped the various layers of hues off of the life I thought I should be living. It has made the impossible possible. Turned chaos into clarity. Rage into forgiveness. Wonton living into conscious grit to move beyond my own limited narrative.

Grief has allowed me to see through old storylines about my relationships with my family, my work, money, my sexuality and my self worth.

2 years ago I came back to Singapore so I could mourn.

And in this time I’ve come to understand the man that he was, is more than I’ve ever known before.

In ways that words cannot express, he’s never left. He’s very much alive, embodied in my cellular imprint – in his strife, his pain, his broken dreams… but also in his optimism, his earnestness towards life, his resilience, his porousness to emotions, his unbridled joyfulness and unconditional presence to people around him.

So Happy 75th Birthday Papa! In so many ways we are still creating memories with you and sharing our love. Your legacy lives on in the work we do for each other in the family, and in how we want to show up each day to the world. May you rest in this knowing ❤️

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